#13 The Fellowship: The Heart Project

Hello wonderful humans!

Happy Easter to everyone! The birds are chirping loud and proud in Austin.

Spring is in full swing and it has brought with it another week of learning and growth.

If you’re new, welcome! I'm Ben! This is all about exploring my curiosities and sharing the things that most energize, challenge, and inform my life.

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Missed past editions? I recommend checking out Nerf Gun Fight: Fun & Play, The Power of Now, Man In The Mirror

Let’s get into it!

Society — The Ultimate Coach

The assignment was called "Manifesting Your Heart’s Desire.”

Steve Hardison received it during his first year studying Spiritual Psychology at the University of Santa Monica.

The project had to be something:

• Exciting at a gut level

• You would regret not trying

• Gives you energy when you think about it

• You feel called to do, not what you think you should do

Students could choose anything from learning a new language to exploring art or making a career change.

The only requirement? It HAD to come from the heart.

Once chosen, they would commit to it fully for ten months.

Steve knew immediately what his project would be, but it was different than the rest.

For the next ten months he would get to know his wife in "the most intimate way available on the planet.”

They had been together for years, but never with this level of intention and curiosity.

He took notes on everything she did. He began studying her as if meeting her for the first time.

He observed how she shopped for groceries (he learned the price of milk for the first time) and watched how she researched and wrote. He witnessed her wisdom, love, and grace through new eyes.

After ten months, Steve was blown away.

"I had won the wife lottery," he realized, "and it's so easy to lose sight of that in everyday life.”

Wow.

During my junior year, I experienced something similar. After traveling for the previous eight months, I returned home for Thanksgiving and Christmas.

This gave me a wonderful pocket of a month and a half to spend with my family.

My grandmother, Oma, lived nearby.

It occurred to me that I hadn’t gotten to know her beyond the brief family reunion conversations.

Without planning it, I began my own heart project.

Almost daily, I'd finish my morning workout and visit her small apartment at the assisted living facility.

Her 5'1” marvelous being would open the door with the best hugs waiting. I'd sit on her new couch and simply listen.

Sometimes our visits lasted minutes, sometimes hours.

I asked about her childhood, watched her face light up recalling her first date with my grandfather at a high school ball, learned how she raised five children and the remarkable woman she truly was.

I got to know my Oma, really know her, for the first time.

Steve's project reminded me of the power of intentional curiosity toward those already in our lives.

Is there someone in your life you would like to rediscover? Your sibling? Parent? Significant other? Friend? What might you learn that's been there all along?

Society — The Voices

I closed my laptop and walked outside, needing air.

It was Thursday morning, and I was finally about to share my first LinkedIn post in an hour.

I had drafted it up four days earlier on Sunday but it took me until Thursday to share it.

Four days to share something already written? Why the delay?

Voices. A lot of them. Coming from all sides. So cool!

These voices made me doubt what I was writing or putting out there.

These voices had names. Real people from my past and present. Peers, old classmates, family members, mentors. Each with opinions on what I should say and how I should say it:

"That wording is too casual."

"People will judge you for that perspective."

"Is this professional enough?"

Last week, I was on a video call with my friend talking about his post-grad plans. He began our conversation animated and excited:

“We will see where life takes me. I have a lot of different options,” he eagerly said.

"I could pursue venture capital, but that's all about networks... private equity isn't right yet... a startup might fail...”

As he continued, his energy started to visibly drain.

By the end, he sighed, "I don't know what to do with my life," his head dropping to the table.

I watched him go from excitement about the future to complete paralysis. How the heck does that happen?

He had his own set of voices. We could literally assign names to each one influencing his choices.

At first, it was just him. His honest uncertainty but genuine curiosity.

Then others showed up.

His boss warned against doing VC too early, his family pushing for PE, friends wanting him to join a startup.

By the end, his mind was an overinflated balloon ready to burst from trying to accommodate everyone's perspective.

A beautiful opportunity for self-expression became overwhelming.

If we try and please those voices, we can lose our identity in the creation. It begins to morph into whatever voice shouts loudest.

I realized that pattern during my sophomore year at Michigan when everything I was doing was influenced by outside voices. I hardly even knew what it meant to listen to my voice. They were telling me:

• “Join this club.”

• “Pursue this high-paying internship.”

• “Major in this.”

They can either kill our purpose before it takes form, or shape it until our fingerprints no longer appear on our own creation.

Or they shape it until our fingerprints no longer appear on our own creation.

For my LinkedIn post, I was determined that when I hit "share," it would be authentically me speaking.

First, I needed to sort through all the voices trying to claim a piece of what I was creating.

Hence why it took four days.

One wanted me to change this word, another that image. Some demanded more professionalism, others more vulnerability.

Every time I saw these voices come up, I stepped outside and took them on a walk. As I moved, I noticed who was speaking: friends from college, high school, family members, peers.

I laughed out loud when I caught myself wondering if a guy I'd met once, four years ago, would approve of my post.

It was all fascinating for me to observe!

I acknowledged each voice for the role they played in my life and also told them they weren’t going to be directing any future part of this.

That's why I'm going to be sharing one LinkedIn post weekly for the next month.

I’m excited to see where it goes.

Do any voices show up when you're about to share something meaningful?

Whose opinions come up when you are trying out something new or bold?

Thank you for spending time with another edition of The Fellowship. It's truly a gift to have you here. If something resonated with you today, consider sharing it with someone who might appreciate it too.

Book I Am Reading: The Ultimate Coach by Amy Hardison & Alan Thompson. A book about Being. What would I need to be in order to…

Quote I liked: Dare to live the life you have dreamed for yourself. Go forward and make your dreams come true. — Ralph Waldo Emerson

What a wonderful life we have!

Peace and Love,

Ben