#11 The Fellowship: Nerf Gun Fight

Hey wonderful humans,

I was at a retreat this weekend that I absolutely adored. Thank you Max and Alex.

A question I was asked this week: What is the gold you see in me?

If you asked someone that question, what gold do you think they would see in you?

Let’s get into it!

Health: (fun and play)

I peered around the corner of the kitchen island. Orange bullets flew overhead. Max took the right side and we narrowed in. It's a 4v1. We've got him cornered.

I see the barrel of his gun resting atop the couch he's crouched behind.

My mind is clear and my breathing is steady.

Bang. Max gets hit. He’s out. 3v1.

My other two teammates move up.

Bang. Out. Bang. Out.

It’s now a 1v1. Game on.

As I’m reloading, he jumps out from behind the couch and fires a bullet that flies 4 inches from my cheek. He runs and ducks behind the dining room table. We exchange shots as our teammates look on in anticipation.

I take cover on the opposite side of the table. It’s a free for all. We begin running around the table in circles. Jumping, dodging, and ducking the flying bullets.

He reloads again and fires. But this time, no bullet flies out. He’s out of bullets! He starts back-peddling to reload his gun.

I’ve got him. I aim. Click. Click. I’m out of bullets too!

It’s a race to see who reloads first. We both scramble picking up one of the many bullets scattered across the battlefield. He loads the bullet and his gun jams.

I reload and lock it in.

Bang. Got him.

We shook hands as all eight guys brimmed with excitement and energy. Smiles all around. Spirits high. Wow, that was fun.

That was the first nerf gun fight I had played in for a very long time. It was epic.

The group of guys was full of business professionals, some were fathers, and all of us were no longer ‘kids’. Because of that label of adult, majority of us hadn’t experienced that kind of kid-like fun for many years.

I had always said I had more ‘important’ things to do.

But what more important things do I have that feed my soul and heart more than what I just experienced? Very few. It was a wake up call.

Welcome back fun and play.

Your turn: When was the last time you played like a kid?

Spirituality:

I got in my car, grabbed my phone, put in the directions, turned on the music and put the car into drive.

Then I stopped. I put it back into park, turned off the music, and closed me eyes.

30 seconds later I opened my eyes and drove off.

Three days earlier, I was sitting on the second level of the Long Center in Austin. It was holding close to 2,000 people and a man named Eckhart Tolle walked on stage.

People stood up and applauded as he made his way to his chair. The room quieted.

I sat there and reflected, this man has it. What is it, you may ask?

It was as though Eckhart didn’t even have to speak for his presence to reverberate throughout the auditorium. My heart and soul were fully relaxed. He was living in the now. (I explore more about the it here).

His central message was gaining awareness in our life. Interrupting the everyday unconscious programing. Coming into the present. The power of now.

Halfway through he contended that we have plenty of opportunities in our days to find presence.

“the next time you get into your car, shut the door and be there for just half a minute.

Breathe, feel the energy inside your body, look around at the sky, the trees.

The mind might tell you, 'I don't have time.' But that's the mind talking to you. Even the busiest person has time for 30 seconds of space.”

It’s in those moments of waiting at a red light, getting into your car, or waiting in line where I default to my programming. I jump directly to the next thing and look to fill it with a distraction.

It’s in these moments that I can concisely choose to take the power back from my programming that has me reach for my phone or speed off to my next destination that I can take a breathe and realize I am alive.

Where in your day could you insert 30 seconds of presence? What might that offer you?

Society: Question I’m Exploring

Have you ever witnessed a spectacular moment that left you in awe?

On my retreat this weekend, I witnessed something extraordinary. One of the hosts completely abandoned the planned program to help an attendee who had just shared something deeply personal and needed some love. The host trusted his intuition, interrupted the entire activity, and acted with genuine compassion. It became the most powerful moment of the entire weekend.

That moment was transformative precisely because it wasn't rehearsed. It was real.

This got me thinking about authenticity in my daily interactions. A few weeks ago, a friend mentioned that my text messages were always well put together and he preferred messages with "a bit more messiness" to them. Huh.

He explained that voice messages where people lost their train of thought or coughed in the middle but kept going felt more real to him.

The next day, I caught myself restarting a voice memo to a friend multiple times. I kept redoing it until it felt just right.

Then it struck me. Was this the realness he was talking about? The very thing I was editing out?

It was initially frustrating to realize there was some truth in what he was saying but it was also freeing. Freeing to know I had awareness about it.

I thought back to my first formal talk a few weeks ago (I detail that here). Despite saying many "right" things, I failed to truly connect with the audience. The stories were there, but the flawed, authentic me wasn't coming through.

It wasn't about the message. It was about showing the man behind the message (made me think of this classic: Man In The Mirror).

Jordan Peterson takes this concept to heart in his approach to public speaking. He structures all of his talks to allow for what he calls "the spectacular.”

Instead of presenting a full solution or making his talks ‘perfect’, he answers a central topic — courage, fear of failure, why we do what we do — by exploring with the audience a few ideas he has about it. He enters talks not knowing the exact outcome or which ideas will resonate.

He does this entire thing without notes. There is a high probability of failure. To be left stuck in front of the audience with nothing to say next. But this approach also creates space for something extraordinary to emerge.

Space for the years of preparation, learning, failing experiencing, and expertise to come together in an instant.

Having notes during a talk or redoing a voice memo until it's ‘perfect’, would minimize the chance of failure, but he contends that it also minimizes the chance of being spectacular.

Being spectacular at times requires embracing the risk of failing: no notes, the possibility of mess-ups, the vulnerability of unplanned words but the opportunity for realness. It's where our analytical mind quiets down, we go off script and our intuition takes over.

I tested this approach in my men's group last week. Instead of waiting until I had perfectly formed thoughts, if I wanted to share something in the moment then I shared it. Specifically when I wasn’t fully sure. I would then work through it with the guys.

The result? I made four comments, and honestly, none of them landed like my past carefully crafted contributions. But something unexpected happened. I ended up having new insights about topics I'd been too afraid to speak on before. Interesting.

To clarify, this isn't black and white. Notes aren't evil, and editing isn't wrong. But when I go for real rather than right, I open myself to genuine connection with others and the possibility of learning and creating something extraordinary.

What I'm exploring now: What qualities of a man resonate most with me? What type of man do I want to be?

I've already tried it out in a few groups and will continue diving deeper into this in the coming weeks.

What question are you curious about exploring but haven’t fully formed in your mind?

It’s All Good!

Thank you for reading another edition of The Fellowship. Forward to a friend who you think might enjoy this edition and if any of today's ideas resonated with you, I'd love to hear which one hit home.

Book I am reading: A New Earth by Echkart Tolle

Something I’ve been loving: Using Claude! Which AI assistants do you use most?

I Want To Create: An opportunity for people to experience the beauty of nature. Nothing better than going straight into it.

Peace and love,

Ben