Life Expansion Activated

Hi wonderful human,

Early last week, I found myself off path. I was going West when my goal was to go North.

I was disconnected from my vision and frustrated at myself.

I became paralyzed from taking any action. I felt stuck.

Then, I got a reminder from my higher self:

“Congratulations. This is why you made the decision to do this in the first place. To grow.

The goal is not to get off the path, but it happens. Moments like these are why you go after something life expanding.

Falling off is an opportunity for that expansion"

Enter, life expansion:

To be, or not to be, that is the question. Just kidding.

In parallel, I’m realizing the key is not, if I’ll fall off the path or not. Rather when I fall off how fast can I notice I’ve fallen off.

For the first two weeks here, I was stuck in my own way.

The last time I was in this frame of mind was three years ago when I took my first conscious quantum leap.

I set out across the world. Nobody could stop me.

Life was black and white. My way or the highway. This is how I do it. This is the timeline and I was going to make it happen all on my own.

The first time around, it took six months of traveling with that mindset before I brought myself back to center. I experienced a lot but I was blind to a lot.

This time it took me…two weeks. ONLY two weeks! Not six months. What an incredible thing!

I have a working thought that this magical progress is synonymous with many growth paths.

I remember moving to Austin last year and experiencing my first pocket of true, sustained bliss. It came and then it went. But it wasn’t the last. Over the next year, these pockets would come and go. I’d want to hang onto them forever.

I noticed that each time I was able to create bliss and love in my life, it lasted longer. I believe the inverse is true for disconnection and hurt: the more I experience them, the greater my capacity for bliss to endure and for disconnection to fade more quickly.

But did you get off the path and disconnect from yourself?

I’ve been super hard on myself. In other words, I’ve been judgmental of myself in this process.

I had a need to be perfect. Needing to be courageous all the time. Needing to be a king all the time. Needing to be powerful all the time.

I didn’t give myself any leeway.

Fear was just something to push through, not something to acknowledge.

Also, I was working with an outdated version of what commitment meant:

Once I committed to something it was all about taking massive action. If I wasn’t taking massive action then I wasn’t committed. Grind, push, persevere.

A tape that’s been subconsciously running in the background of my life.

All nuance was thrown out the door.

I was meditating today and was suddenly transported to one of my earliest exposures to the self development world. I was at home during COVID tuning into a Tony Robbins free live event.

I remember everyone was jumping, dancing, and screaming. I sat there furiously scribling notes as Tony’s words sounded like gold to my young, impressionable self.

As the event ended, his parting words stuck with me: ‘Massive action is the cure-all.’

I wonder why I was so stuck in my own way. I had those words playing in the background.

If any emotion would arise, I could just take action. Fear? Take action. Resistance? Take action.

It was like when I thought I got a concussion in middle school and the nurse just handed me a mint and told me to go back to class.

As I’m learning, action without connection to myself won’t matter. It will take me somewhere just not where I want and not how I want it to.

Which takes me to the second part of the question: How did you disconnect from yourself?

When I venture into the unknown, I won’t know all the answers.

Strong emotions arise. In those moments of discomfort or fear, all I’m really looking for is reassurance from myself that I’ll be okay.

Can I honor the fear by acknowledging it, ground myself in breath and silence, and trust that I’m capable of feeling strong emotions?

If I'm not willing to hold that fear of the unknown and give myself the safety, then I start to look for that safety and reassurance outside of me.

I stop trusting myself.

Outsourcing the answers is like Tiger Woods asking you what club he should use. Tiger already knows. Just like you know yourself better than anyone.

Being in this new world of Argentina and soccer, unknown is constant. If I don’t give myself safety, I begin this spiral of disconnection from my inner voice.

I start asking everyone else what was best for me: my phone, AI, my life coach, friends, social media, Tony Robbins live event from three years ago, you name it.

I found myself disconnected with my vision of why I even came here.

But I decided to get back to trusting myself.

Action with trust is powerful.

But action without trust is forceful.

There is no power in forced action. If I believe I have to force, I am powerless.

I am in the flow of life and the energy of the world. I am feeling the competition, passion, power and presence. I’m experiencing how good I could become at that flow by only focusing on soccer. That’s the sauce.

Peace and love. Ciao,

Double B